And up again!
However down I was last night, I’m completely up again after this morning. Went to Venlo together with Monique, she had to visit the Tax office there. We went there, went in for five minutes and back south again (an hour drive there and another hour back). We talked so much and had a really great time together. Time flew by. So I’m all better again :)
Loneliness
Sometimes life is … well, not actually difficult. Hard, would be too strong a term. I’m not sure what to call it. Sometimes you can feel very alone when you’re surrounded by a lot of people. I’m not sure why, still, but again I’m feeling very depressed and lonely. It probably has to do with many things, unrelated or on a subconscious level related. This weekend is again one of my down weekends. It’s not just the weekend, it’s been this whole last week.
I had trouble sleeping, trouble waking up, trouble being productive (and no, it’s not because I seem to be addicted to World of Warcraft, I like to think I can handle priorities correctly), trouble putting a name to the actual depressiveness I’m feeling. It’s when I meet someone online that I really enjoy talking to and during the talks I notice I’m looking for excuses to talk about things that trouble me, that I really know something’s not right. It’s just not my way to talk to strangers about personal stuff and I can’t understand why I would want to.
Maybe when Monique and I are living together things will clear up again, I don’t know. I hope so. She really lightens the load on my heart, just by being close. I hope we can find a place for us, soon. And several new customers, so the company can continue growing. Just a few more and we’re really making a living. I desperatly need my own life.
